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We Don't Want the Pope
Season 6, Episode 6
Episode guide
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 Quote[]

"Let us not ask later: 'Was there something we could have done to make the Pope not come that we didn't do?'"

Summary[]

The Pope is touring America, and the sheriff's department does everything to dissuade him from making Reno a stop on the tour.

Cold Open[]

Jones enters the morning briefing boasting that he bought O.J. Simpson's belt for $800, which was from a cop he knew who swiped it when O.J. was busted. Wiegel enters also singing that she bought O.J.'s belt for $1000.

Plot[]

The new Pope will be on a tour of America, and there is one more city yet to be named on the tour. Dangle says it would be a nightmare if he visited Reno due to all the security arrangements and the influx of Mexicans who love the Pope and Mexicans who hate the Pope. The deputies need to do everything in their power to dissuade the advance team of priests. The helicopter lands and Cardinal Frederico and his team disembark

The steps they take:

  • Kissing Cardinal Frederico on the mouth.
  • Travis says he's crazy about "that new Nazi Pope."
  • Williams says she's a Muslim again.
  • Wiegel calls him "your impotence."
  • The "Mayor of Reno" turns out to be meth head Big Mike in a sash and a paper crown.
  • Wiegel points to something in the road and says, "These are Mexicans. Sometimes they get caught under your wheels." She then tells him to duck because this is the part of town where you get shot at.
  • Junior takes the cardinal to a hooker car wash and tries to give the right code word to get a blow job. After paying $187 for the car wash, a man in a truck loudly asks for a blow job.
  • Wiegel offers the cardinal a hand job.
  • Junior asks if it's a "sin to fuck a monkey."
  • Saying farewell with a complicated hanshake and saying, "You're my n****r."

The cardinal thanks them for showing the dark side of their city, and indicating that Reno is in serious need for some holiness. Asked by Dangle if that means they screwed up and the Pope is now coming to Reno, the cardinal spits on the ground and says, "Fuck you for thinking that." As he helicopters away, the deputies all flash him their genitals.

Meanwhile...

At the mental hospital, Dangle and Junior are told of an escaped mental patient. Another man appears, busting the first man for being the escaped mental patient. As they are doing detective work to determine who is legitimate, a third man scolds them both for pooping in the rumpus room and orders them back. As they leave, Dangle laments that the taller one was the guy who did his last proctology exam.

Junior upbraids a teenager for "teen wolfing" on top of a station wagon...without recording it for YouTube. Junior records it for him, then joins him by surfing on top of his cop car. Junior is heard falling off...and leaving the cop war with Joe in it driverless.

Carmen: Joe says that Carmen calls a couple times a week. Carmen is building a wall to keep out terrorists.

A perp tries to escape handcuffs. The deputies start taking bets. He actually does escape the cuffs...and Junior tazes him.

Dangle and Williams find a crying woman in tight leather and they realize she fell off of a motorcycle. They get her to the side of the road and leave.

KPBA Studio: El Chupacabra teases Junior about his reading of the Emergency Broadcast System sounding gay.

High School Security Check: Declan and Junior are proud of the kids going through the metal detector without incident, before finding it's unplugged and a shooting in the library gets called in.

Craig's Videos: Dangle announces that they are watching all of Craig Pullin's videotapes to see if there are any clues to where there might be more dead bodies. Craig tries teaching his unborn son how to wear a condom. Asked if Craig could perform sexually, Wiegel says that he would make her get under the bed and beg him not to get her while he masturbated on the bed. Williams is appalled that she was basically reenacting a crime.

Notes[]

Dangle says that Craig was the father of Wiegel's baby. This is a change to Wiegel's story.

Jones mentions he has a "Prince Albert", which is a piercing of the penis.

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