|Did Garcia Steal Dangle's Husband?|
|Season 5, Episode 1|
|Air date||January 16, 2008|
Bounty Hunter Tommy Hawk
Quote[edit | edit source]
"I assure you, to those of you who have not stayed in our jail recently: it is an effective deterrent."
Summary[edit | edit source]
Trudy Wiegel says she knows the father of her baby and has plans for the baby.
Cold Open[edit | edit source]
Jumping the Shark for Autism! Jim Dangle announces that they are jumping the shark to fight autism. The deputies and a small crowd cheers. A small shark is released in a normal home aquarium with a wooden ramp leading up to it, and Dangle stands in a daredevil costume and helmet. It's clearly a goofy challenge intended to get attention and money for a good cause, based on the concept of The Fonz on Happy Days "Jumping the Shark." It's also a bit of a fourth wall break, in-universe and out, for both the mockumentary reality show and the Reno 911 TV show and they're leaning into the skid that the show has "jumped the shark." Unfortunately, the ramp collapses and Dangle plunges into the aquarium, breaking the glass and severely injuring himself.
This is followed by a recap of Dangle's Wedding.
Plot[edit | edit source]
Garcia returns to the hospital room, laughing that his outburst was a practical joke and Jim and Leslie are under arrest because gay marriage is (at the time) illegal in the State of Nevada. Junior enthusiastically arrests Jim Dangle.
Jim Dangle assures them that their jail cells are an effective deterrent to committing crimes. He tells Garcia that they are only communicating through an attorney now. Wiegel has her baby with her at morning briefing and says she knows who the father is now, but she's not revealing who it is.
Wiegel is selling the baby for $15,000 to the pageant couple. The pageant mom had her vagina sewn so tight after her first baby that they can't have sex anymore. The baby is a boy but the pageant couple keeps wondering if he is disqualified for a number of female pageants. They decline because the baby is overweight (at 10 pounds). She then tries to sell it for $8,500 to an Asian couple but she declines because she doesn't want it raised as "an Oriental;" the couple argue after she leaves that they could have sold the baby for $70,000. A black couple then waits to buy the baby. Wiegel tiptoes back out of the room, unseen.
The Theoretical Criminal stops Kimball and Johnson and wants to seize their vehicle because he is a lawman. He waves a badge. When they take it, he pulls out another badge.
Traffic stop: Junior is whacked on the head by a school bus's stop sign.
Scared Straight Program: Around a dead body in the morgue, the deputies do a skit for teenagers. Jones is a skeleton and Dangle is a ghost in chains. They're trying to teach teens about drunk driving. Jones blows a .125 at 8:45 AM. Jim breaks character and is stunned that Jones is really drunk when he wasn't expecting to get breathalyzed. Jim asks if it's Night Train on his breath.
Williams asks Jones (at gunpoint) if he's Wiegel's baby-daddy. They discuss how to tell if the baby is half-Black.
Andrew is threatening to commit suicide at the bridge because he thinks he's peaked, but they tell him there's more to live for and that he hasn't read anything besides "Superfudge." They tell Andrew that he's just wanting attention, to the point they offer to pay him to jump. He declines, but when the amount gets to $130, Junior jumps for the cash.
Dangle is worried he might be the father of Wiegel's baby.
Terry: Terry is pantomiming blowjobs as he stands around waiting. Dangle and Wiegel interrupt him. He denies giving men blowjobs and says he's not gay, that he's just waiting for his girlfriend. Pressed to spell her name, he says it's "Seeeeemji" and the J is silent. She drives up and kisses him, saying they're engaged and she's pregnant. They are stunned at this turn of events. She then reveals it's artificial insemination because of his "condition."
Finally finding a couple from Tahoe offering $6,000, Junior enters with the DNA results and he sobs that he can't believe she's going to sell him for only 6 grand. The couple offers 10 grand and they give her a check. Junior reveals it was all a scam to get more money.
Andrew threatens to jump again because of the book "The Secret."
PSA[edit | edit source]
Washoe County Animal Shelter: Clementine features Hector, a lizard with porn history. Call now and get a free bag of small rodents.
Advertisement[edit | edit source]
Wiegel advertises her baby for sale on TV. She throws cereal at her baby like she's feeding a school of trout. She tells viewers to call 911 for the Reno Sheriff's Department to buy the child while it's still cute.
Notes[edit | edit source]
- Just to be clear: it is illegal to sell babies. And to advertise the sale of babies. And for police officers to encourage the non-emergency use of 911 to reach someone at the department to purchase a baby. Given all this, it's odd that people show up to buy the baby in a police station. But then, criminals show up to pick up the "boat they won" in fake announcements, so who knows.
- Wiegel's deal with Junior makes no sense. She was getting $6000, but thanks to him they're splitting $10,000 50-50 which means she's $1000 poorer. She is brain-damaged, however.
- The Asian couple's claim that they could sell the baby for $70K is far more inline with what a baby would likely go for on the black market, at least per Raising Arizona. And that was in 1987 dollars.
- Tom Lennon breaks at the end of the Terry segment, but it works that Dangle is laughing at Terry's situation, paralleling Dangle's own past complications.
Cast[edit | edit source]
- Reverend Goldberg: Lisa Lampanelli
- Pageant Father: John Ross Bowie
- Pageant Mother: Jamie Denbo
- Seeeeemji: Christina Applegate